Instilling Perseverance and Grit In Teens

Along the side of my parents' house in Arizona, oranges and lemons grow on the trees year-round. These trees produce large, juicy, edible fruit but, as good as they are to eat, I have come to believe that this is not where you find the best flavor that the fruit has to offer. 

The best flavor is deep within the fruit and has to be intensely squeezed to get it all out. Many of the nutrients found in fruits are found in their juice. If we didn’t squeeze it, we would miss important nutrients, rendering it less beneficial and effective. The peak flavor and nutrition only come after every other part of the fruit has been squeezed to the point of releasing the juice.

We can think of youth in the same way. The trials of life can render them ineffective. They face insecurities in friendships, identity, and family issues. Pressures at school can mount and cause anxiety or depression. They fight the loneliness, anger and helplessness that come with seeing a loved one struggle with addiction or failing at their own goals and dreams. Discouragement can swirl and threaten to pull them under. Teens can feel that the very life of them is being squeezed beyond what they can endure. The pressure increases as they are squeezed further. Many want to “abandon ship” and give up. Life, to them, is too tough.

Teaching teens to persevere through trials helps them tap into a reservoir of intangible potential. Giving them strategies to face difficulties and overcome them, makes them wildly more effective and successful in life. It provides a sense of security in an ever-changing society. When we give them the tools necessary to push on while feeling intense pressure, their self-esteem rises, they inspire others, and their peak “flavor” shines for all to see.

One of the best ways we can equip students with the ability to persevere is to teach them how to get back up after a failure or disappointment. Teens need to know that it is human nature to make mistakes. The average person will make many throughout life. Mistakes do not define a teenager; they are simply part of the journey. When a teen realizes they do not need to be perfect, it becomes easier to grow, learn and persevere when times get hard. 

Try the following activity with your teen: Ask your teen to research “famous failures,” like Harland David Sanders, and list the mistakes these people made before they reached success. How did they persevere? Then, ask your teen to list a time they failed and what they did or could have done to succeed. Discuss the importance of persevering through difficult times.

Or, for an interactive card game that teaches success through trial and error, Google "Mao Card Game" and pull a few family members or friends in on the experience!

Another way to instill perseverance and grit into teens is to teach them the ability to delay rewards in an instantaneous society. Immediate gratification can overtake a young person. They want what is quick and easy, therefore they develop a shallow form of perseverance. By learning to deny a quick reward for a better long-term reward, they learn deeper perseverance. 

Getting in the habit of setting long-term goals and working to fulfill them is one of the best ways to accomplish a deeper sense of grit. Challenge your teen to set a goal for school or one of their activities. Ask them to break down the task and include mini goals along the way. Encourage them to chart their progress when they reach each mini goal. But don’t celebrate yet. Only celebrate once they have reached the final goal.

It is through the journey of accomplishments, trial and errors, failures, and exploration with perseverance that a youth’s personality, gifts, talents and abilities can be released. Talent is not the indicator of success. Perseverance determines success. When teens persevere for prolonged periods of time and overcome obstacles, they become nutrient rich and release their best “flavor.”

Check out the Grit & Bear It Activity Book for more activities that help youth develop deeper perseverance skills and a grittier mindset.