Making Tough Conversations a Little Bit Easier

From grief to puberty and everything in between, parents and teachers are bound to face tough conversations with their children. As school counselors, we’re often the ones helping to guide these moments, whether we’re supporting families, talking to teachers, or navigating difficult conversations ourselves. 

Here are a few go-to strategies I use myself, as well as tips I frequently share with families and staff to help support making tough conversations easier.

Tips for Parents and Teachers

Make time for 1:1 connection.

Create intentional moments of undivided attention. That might mean taking a tech-free walk, driving with the music off, or even making a “Do Not Disturb” sign together to place on the door once a week.

For teachers, try the 2x10 strategy. Connect with a student for 2 minutes a day for 10 days, talking about anything they care about. It can be as simple as making Johnny the line leader for two weeks and having the teacher chat with him on their way to lunch. 

You don’t need to have all the answers.

It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” For example, if a family member or pet is sick, try something like, “We don’t know how long they’ll feel this way, but we’ll love them through it.” For teachers, a response like, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m here to listen” can go a long way.

Let tough talks happen in pieces.

Kids often process feelings like popcorn, popping in and out of tough conversations in short bursts. Let it happen. You don’t need to push them to stay in the moment. Stay open, keep listening, and watch for patterns. If a student revisits the same concern often or shows signs of withdrawal or distress, that’s a good time to loop in a counselor. 

Get creative with expression.

Children often communicate through play, art, and movement rather than lengthy conversations. For many, that feels safer and more natural. Instead of expecting verbal explanations, offer tools that invite emotional expression.

Use puppets, dolls, playdough, crayons, music, books, and simple games to help children explore and share their feelings. These tools create a space where emotions can surface through storytelling, role-playing, or creative art, often revealing much more than words alone could ever do.

Tips for Counselors

Use your counseling skills on adults.

We’re trained to listen deeply and reflect empathically. While we often focus these tools on students, they are equally effective with adults. Before you head into a parent-teacher conference or support team meeting, take a moment to revisit motivational interviewing strategies or complex reflection techniques. Trust that your training has prepared you for more than just student interactions.

Don’t take it personally.

This one’s hard. I’ve had conversations that left me in tears. But I try to remind myself that most frustration is not truly about me; it’s about the stress, grief, or helplessness others are feeling. When emotions run high, look beyond the words and consider what the person might be experiencing. And don’t forget to prioritize self-care afterward.

Follow up in writing.

After talking with a teacher or parent, I send a friendly follow-up email that summarizes the key points and includes any helpful resources. Not only does this support clear communication, but it also documents your efforts.

Navigating difficult conversations is never easy, but it becomes easier when we give ourselves permission to be human, to listen more than we speak, and to trust in ourselves.

About Laura Filtness

Born in England, Laura Filtness resides in Knoxville, Tennessee, with her two lovable pups, Brooklyn and Bindu. She earned a master’s degree in professional counseling from Middle Tennessee State University, has more than fifteen years of experience working with children, and was previously honored as the Elementary Tennessee School Counselor of the Year.

Laura's first book with Boys Town Press, My Brain Is Like a Puppy!, is available exclusively at BoysTownPress.org ahead of the official publication date on September 16. This humorous and heartwarming story, written for ages 4 to 8, uses a very relatable analogy that showcases the many ways a young child’s brain development is similar to the exuberant and boundless energy of a puppy.

You can learn more about and from Laura on her website or on her Pawsitive School Counselor profiles on Facebook and Instagram.